A Silent Retreat

26 November 2024

As a busy working mother of teenage daughters, I need more silence in my life. I also constantly desire to be closer to God, so for many weeks I felt a leap of excitement in my chest whenever I thought about the silent retreat I’d signed up for with the Secular Order of Discalced Carmelites. The Christchurch ‘Peace of Christ’ community gather each year, with guests such as myself, for a silent retreat. They invite a speaker and provide a clear structure based on learning, space for prayer both individually and as a community, and a personal journey of peace and growth.

I was eager to not only learn more about silent, contemplative prayer, but to truly immerse myself in it.

During the retreat, we were given an opportunity to draw a theme for our personal reflection. A box filled with folded pieces of paper sat in the main foyer. On each piece of paper was a quote. I closed my eyes and drew out a random choice. My theme was a gift from Saint Teresa of Avila, who had formed the Discalced Carmelite order during the Reformation. It read, “I can nourish myself on nothing but the truth.” This resonated deeply with me, as I had already been contemplating the importance of truth in my life. There are times when I avoid looking at the truth when it feels too hard or unpleasant. This meant I had much to contemplate in the silence, and to discuss honestly with God.

The visiting retreat director this year was Fr Adalbert Imperial, OCD, a priest of the Order of Discalced Carmelites. Our time was structured around several lectures, or conferences, that explored the theme of silence. The following is a summary of these conferences:

Introduction to Silence

In our first lecture, we delved into the multifaceted nature of silence and its profound impact on our emotions and spiritual life. Silence can be a double-edged sword, evoking feelings of anxiety, panic, loneliness, or sadness. This is because, in silence, our minds can wander to places we might prefer to avoid. Fr Adalbert quoted, “Silence is the way to foster holiness,” and this set the tone for our discussion. We explored how silence can be both a noun and a verb, a state of being and an action. It can be a source of peace and reflection but also a space where the darkness of our past can catch up with us. However, within this confrontation lies an opportunity for healing and growth.

Silence in Daily Life

Carmelite spirituality emphasises the importance of silence, dedicating two hours a day to silent prayer. This practice invites us to consider how silence fits into our own daily lives. The easy answer for me is “not enough”.

By way of warning, we were reminded of the need to discern the voices we hear in silence, as not all of them are benevolent. The enemy can disguise himself, and it is crucial to be vigilant. This aspect of discernment was highlighted as essential, especially in the context of a spiritual retreat where we are more immersed in contemplation.

Silence in the Old Testament

Fr Adalbert guided us through an in-depth exploration of silence in the Old Testament. We examined silence from various perspectives, including waiting, discernment, wisdom, and the unsettling feeling of God’s absence. We reflected on the foundational passage for the Carmelites, 1 Kings 19:9-15, where Elijah encounters God not in the wind, earthquake, or fire, but in a gentle whisper. This passage prompted us to consider what God’s silence reveals about our own experiences and how we can find God in the quiet moments of our lives.

Silence in the New Testament

Our exploration of silence continued with a focus on the New Testament, particularly the examples set by Jesus and Mary. We looked at how Lent reflects Jesus’s forty days in the desert, where he faced temptations from the devil. This period of silence and solitude teaches us the importance of using scripture to counter the devil’s voice.

In Luke 6:12-16, we see Jesus making intentional space for prayer, spending the whole night in silence to commune with God. Fr Adalbert talked about how efficacious this type of ‘sleepy’ prayer can be, as we can be more receptive to God’s voice in the quiet of the night, when our minds are less intellectually busy and are more open to His voice.

We also examined the nativity scene in Luke 2 where, amidst the noise and exultations, Mary remains silent. “As for Mary, she treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19 This teaches us about the power of quiet reflection and acceptance. Even at the foot of the cross in John 19:25-27, Mary stands in silent strength as she suffers unimaginable emotional pain.

Saint Teresa of Jesus on Silence

In this lecture, we explored the writings of Saint Teresa of Jesus on the importance of silence and mental prayer. She described mental prayer as an intimate sharing between friends, highlighting the personal and relational aspects of prayer. Contemplation, a spiritual form of prayer, is seen as a gift from God. We were encouraged to pray honestly, in any emotional state, as God is our friend and desires our whole and complete selves. This includes praying in anger, sadness, or even silliness, as prayer is a deeply personal and authentic experience.

Making space for God in our daily lives allows His presence to become an integral part of us. In silent prayer, we can experience communion with the Trinity, going deeper into ourselves and moving towards God, who is at the centre of our being. Silence fosters receptivity, making us more open to receiving what God wants to give us and listening for His will and voice.

Silence in the Writings of Saint John of the Cross

We examined the writings of Saint John of the Cross, who endured horrific experiences, including being kidnapped, imprisoned, and tortured. Despite these trials, he experienced mystical connections with God through silent prayer, finding grace in his suffering. His theories about the purification of trauma through interior senses can be complex. However, the key takeaway is that through hope and prayer, our traumas can be purified, leading to healing. During the retreat, I did find that memories of old traumas resurfaced. I feel I had been well-prepared for this, and was able to pray for the purification and healing that Saint John of the Cross describes, even though I didn’t fully understand what that meant.

Practical ways to incorporate more silence into our lives

Many participants shared the practical ways they are able to find silence in their daily lives. A small number of them do not own a television for example, and some persuade their spouses to wear headphones when listening to music. A very popular choice is to get out of bed earlier. Silence can be found in a simple walk, finding space in the day for Adoration or quiet prayer in a church.

The ‘conferences’ on silence and prayer provided us with a comprehensive understanding of the role of silence in our spiritual lives. Silence is not just the absence of noise but a profound space for encountering God, reflecting on our lives, and growing in our faith.

The retreat granted me a different attitude to silence; I embrace it now. I pray considerably more often. I was also able to find the space to truly examine some difficult truths and discern, with the help of Fr Adalbert, the changes I need to make to live more authentically with Christ.

By embracing silence, we can foster a deeper relationship with God, grounded in truth, discernment, and powerful prayer.